Mommy Fears...and why I can't enjoy sleeping in

There are many "mommy fears".  Some are justified, some are irrational, and some (ok, many) we can't explain.  There are the ones we have when our kid is doing something "dangerous" such as riding a skateboard down the driveway (fully geared...so maybe not completely dangerous), and we bite our tongue, hold our breath and maybe even look away...hoping and praying they won't fall.  These are the fears all mommies have from time to time.

Then there are the fears I never anticipated I would have, and didn't have, before epilepsy.

Most mornings Evan is awake between 6:30am and 7:00am.  On occasion he will sleep longer, but that isn't too often.  Before seizures, having a morning the kids didn't wake up before 7:00 am was seen as a blessing.  A gift, of sorts, from the universe..."You are such hard-working parents, you deserve to sleep in!" says the Universe.  "If I must." I would reply.  

This morning I woke up to my alarm and not a 6 year old poking me in the face.  Hmmmm...Evan must have been tired and needed extra sleep.  As we know, sleep is good for our kiddos with epilepsy, so I let him sleep.  I showered and got ready for the day.  7:30am came and went.  With each passing minute, I had to resist the urge to go in and ensure he was ok.  Side-note...he is a light sleeper, so just going in to check on him would cause him to wake up, thus my internal struggle!  I argued with myself..."what if something is wrong?!?"..."but if he is sleeping, his body must need sleep!  Let him rest!"  After about 20 minutes of fretting and worrying and arguing with myself, I couldn't stand it any longer and I went in.  He raised his sleepy head to look at me...a sleepy grin crossed his face as he said "mornin' mama".  My heart warmed and my brow released as I let out a sign and said "good morning" and smiled back.

Since epilepsy, I no longer can enjoy a morning of "sleeping in".  I still catch myself at times, lying to myself..."Oh, I just wish they would sleep in!!" but, deep down, I know that it only brings worry that increases with every passing minute.